With your support for Evon Gnashblade, together we will make Tyria great again!
- 1 About Evon Gnashblade
- 2 His Plan To Make Tyria Great Again
- 3 Recent News
About Evon Gnashblade
Owner and Proprietor, The Black Lion Trading Company
Evon Gnashblade is the very definition of the Tyrian success story, continually setting the standards of excellence while expanding his interests in mercantilism, maritime trade and extortion. He is a graduate of the Ash Legion School of Finance. His first book, The Art of Black-Mail, is considered a business classic and one of the most successful business books of all time.
His Plan To Make Tyria Great Again
Evon Gnashblade plans to make Tyria great again, and this is how he’ll do it.
Border Wall Between Verdant Brink and Forsaken Thicket
A Map without borders is not a Map – Evon Gnashblade
Since the Forsaken Thicket was discovered in Northern Magus Falls, countless “Raiders” have setup camp in the North-East corner of Verdant Brink, disrupting the lives’ of our beloved adventurers.
In recent weeks the headlines have been covered with cases of Raiders who have entered Verdant Brink only to go on to commit horrific crimes against Tyrians. From scaling up nearby Meta-events to cluttering up map-chat with “LFR requests”, the list of atrocities committed by these Raiders is literally endless. For too long Tyria has put the interests of “Challenging Group Content” ahead of those of the working class, but this will not stand if Gnashblade is elected.
Evon’s first action as leader will be to build a wall along the North-East corner of Verdant Brink in order to secure our border. Raiders must pay for this wall and until they do Captain Gnashblade will: impound all Raid tokens earned, increase fees on consumables and, if necessary, cut their rare item RNG by 50% (from 0.001% to 0.0005%).
While it is true that this wall will block the only entrance to the Forsaken Thicket, Gnashblade has a plan for that as well. To access the Forsaken Thicket Raiders will be able to purchase a “Raiding Bundle” from the Gemstore that includes: Permanent Raiding Pass (1), Mini-Gnashblade (1), Trading Post Express (2), Instant Repair Canister (2), all for only
2500 2400 gems.
Deport NPCs From Lion’s Arch
The number of intrusive Non-Player Characters (NPCs) commonly found standing near the Bank, Mystic Forge and Trading Post of Lion’s Arch is too high. They go by the names of “citizen”, “soldier” and “sailor”, wandering around these high-traffic locations at all hours of the day, posing an inexcusable annoyance to the hard working people of Tyria. Adding insult to injury, many of these NPCs respond with mocking platitudes such as “Need something?”, “How can I help?” and the dreaded “Good to meet you.” Gnashblade believes that people should be able to access these public resources without having to interact with, or be greeted by, these “good for nothing rats”.
If Evon Gnashblade is elected he will deport these “citizens” (read: Enemies of The State) out of the Lion’s Arch Commerce District. Civil rights activists need not worry, Captain Gnashblade only wants to send them to a remote location where they’ll never be seen or heard from again.
Increase Dungeon Subsidies
The recent cut-back of Dungeon Rewards is a slap to the face of the Tyrian middle class. In order to achieve the Tyrian dream we need to let people keep more money in their pockets and increase their income (after-trading post fees, of course).
When Gnashblade takes the reins Dungeons will no longer be treated like the red-haired step-children of abusive parents. Liquid gold rewards will be doubled immediately, stimulating the economy and returning Dungeons to their former competitiveness in relation to other content. Furthermore, Dungeon Tokens will be awarded generously at an increased rate, in stark contrast to the current system which trickles them out like a covetous miser guarding his gingersnaps.
Put Farmers Back To Work
Tyrian farmers have been among those hit hardest by the recent economic turbulence. Farmers’ incomes and livelihoods are greatly affected by their dependence on a single cash-crop: Gold. These noble workers are now forced to either continue farming and make only 90-110% of what they were earning just months earlier, or actually participate in events and various other types of content that pay out better rewards.
Make no mistake, Evon Gnashblade is, above all, a friend to farmers. Under his rule there will be no shortage of opportunities for Tyrians to farm as much gold as possible without having to put in any significant effort. What would Tyria be like if the only ways to farm gold were: Chest Train Farming, Map Bonus Farming, Cursed Shore Farming, Silverwastes Farming, World Boss Farming and Resource Node Farming. That’s a world that none of us want to live in.
Take Better Care Of Our Veterans
The current state of Veterans Affairs is unacceptable. Access to new Legendary Weapons has turned into a cruel joke, teasing our veterans with unobtainable collection items and forcing them to actively fail events. High-level Fractals, which once held so much promise, have turned into an HP sponge-fest with “instabilities” that have about as much inspiration as Ellen Kiel’s last run for Council. And as if all that wasn’t bad enough, Guild Hall upgrades continue to ravage our veterans’ collective coin-purse.
Is this what they deserve for their sacrifice and unyielding support? Gnashblade says NO, and promises to rectify the poor treatment of our veterans as soon as he takes office.
Paid for by Evon Gnashblade For Tyria, inc.
“Poll: 70% of Skritt Think Gnashblade Will Win”
A new Asuran Poll finds 70 percent of Skritt voters saying that they believe Evon Gnashblade will win the upcoming election. As one enthusiastic Skritt so eloquently stated: “Keep more shinies, yes? Good.” This sentiment is shared by many Skritt who are feeling the effects of the growing income inequality currently plaguing Tyria.
This support is significant because Gnashblade has been roundly condemned over the last week by most of the Tyrian Media and many prominent Tyrian leaders. Pact spokesman Zojja even said this week that Gnashblade’s remarks about Raider immigration “disqualified” him from seeking office.
This survey of 1,000 unlikely voters was conducted immediately following Gnashblade’s controversial proposal to temporarily block Raiders from migrating to Verdant Brink. While most of Tyria’s political and media establishment have condemned Gnashblade’s proposal, 2/3rds of Skritt voters support his plan.
“Evon Gnashblade Endorsed By Hero-Tron”
Today Evon Gnashblade received the coveted endorsement of “Hero-Tron” (the transient golem formerly known as Job-o-Tron, Hobo-Tron, Ho-Ho-Tron and Heal-o-Tron). Gnashblade was joined by Hero-Tron at the public announcement in Lion’s Arch which occurred shortly after their private meeting in Black Lion Trading Company HQ.
Captain Gnashblade stated, “I am incredibly honored to receive this endorsement. My entire life has been spent defending the golems and the incredible job they do. With their support and hard-work, together we will make Tyria great again!”
Hero-Tron himself had only a few words to share, but they were meaningful nonetheless:
After the rally Hero-Tron was heard saying, “Small–talk–initiated: Hot–enough–for–you?” before quickly exiting.
Hero-Tron historically endorses the first candidate that threatens to black-mail him, so Gnashblade was the overwhelming choice to receive the endorsement.
“How This Quaggan Woman Came To Love Evon Gnashblade”
It started one quiet evening in the snowy village of “Falooaloo” located in Dredgehaunt Cliffs. The Quaggan “Shashoo” was at her home, fortifying defenses against the inevitable ice-brood attacks known to occur every 20 minutes. As she tells the story:
“Quaggan prepare for attack. Quaggan must be brave.”
“One day Quaggan see Captain Gnashy and ask for help.”
Evon Gnashblade was so touched by Shashoo’s plea for assistance that he promised her his help, asking nothing in return (minus his consulting fee). But Gnashblade wasn’t going to settle for second-best and simply help Shashoo with her immediate needs. No, he was going to do her one better. So like the industrious civil servant he is, Gnashblade laid out a plan to solve her ice-brood problems for good. As Shashoo recounts:
“Gnashy told Quaggan big words I did not know.”
“He said for Quaggan to trust, so I did.”
“Mr. Gnash left and ice-brood attacked Quaggan home.”
Although, sadly, it is true that Gnashblade left Shashoo and the Quaggan village defenseless in the short-term, he was playing the long game. Captain Gnashblade got to work immediately after taking a much needed 2-week retreat to sunny Southsun Cove.
Through fancy accounting and strategic political contributions, Evon Gnashblade was able to secure a shipment of Black Lion Trading Company firearms that had conveniently gone “missing”. He had the firearms delivered under the cloak of night to a local Dredge Commissar (supposedly a Quaggan sympathizer) in exchange for protecting Shashoo’s village from the Ice-brood, plus an exclusive trade agreement.
When Gnashblade checked-in with Shashoo a few weeks later she had this to say:
“It is true Ice-brood stop attacking Quaggan.”
“But Dredge now shoot Quaggan.”
“Dredge say they can’t tell Quaggan from Ice-brood.”
“They say both look like ice monsters to them.”
Not one to stay around for “thank you”s and “goodbye”s, Gnashblade left Shashoo’s village with a renewed sense of purpose and a reminder that he truly was a man of the people.
In a follow up interview, Shashoo explains why Evon Gnashblade won her support:
“Quaggan not get out much.”
“Quaggan love Evon Gnashblade.”
“Remind Quaggan who is Gnashblade?”